B( .)( .)BS

You read the word and clicked. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because you can’t help it. Just like when a walking lady bounces a giant pair of bazoongas in front of you. You are driven by an inexplicable magnetism, an unstoppable force of nature like a volcano. Or two.

We love boobs. All of us do, men and women alike. Let’s be honest: our main sexual organs aren’t beautiful. You can refer to them as exciting, alluring, enticing, but beautiful? Mmmm… The beauty of a good healthy pair of tits, however, is out of discussion. Occasionally, I think about this issue… like twenty times a day. In a professional scientific kind of way, of course. I’ve come to the conclusion that we are drawn to boobs from a primal instinct. Each and every human in this planet share the need to dive our little baby faces in a nurturing tit. It’s a life and death situation for at least a few months. That has to leave some kind of psychological scar, don’t you think?

As a grown man, I still get the urge to plunge my face into the motherly valley of certain tits… I wonder if women also feel it from time to time. I’d guess they do.

Dr. Karen Weatherby, a leader gerontologist from Frankfurt studied the health effect on men after watching big boobs for ten minutes a day. She compared a two hundred group who did this against another group who didn’t and guess what: The first group showed a remarkable increase in heart health and decrease of coronary diseases. So, there you have it: boobs continue to save our lives long after childhood.

There is something else about boobs that I will try to address. Hypnosis. I believe tits have the hidden power of messing with our minds. You don’t have to be a pervert or a sex deprived person for this to work. Of all physical qualities a woman (or even a ladyboy) can display, tits have the immediate and most powerful effect on the surrounding attention. In fact, I DARE you to think of a woman you know, even if you saw her once or twice in your life and ADMIT you can describe perfectly well her bosom. You may not remember her name, her ankles, her shoulders or her hair, but I bet on my grandmas walking stick, you can give details about her breasts. (Unless you met her under a snowstorm on a Swedish frozen lake.) Boobs introduce themselves. Big enough boobs, can even surpass the importance of the carrier. They are like a second pair of never blinking eyes… staring from behind the silk. Whispering naughty ideas or maybe just waving a friendly “Hey pal! How’s your day!”

Such is the power of simple protruding meat bags on a girl’s chest. Thus, I claim to thee: Embrace that power. Squish them titties into an undersized blouse until the buttons threaten to fire like shotgun pellets. Wear low cut shirts, or no bras in a chilly morning at the office. Do this, and thou shall unveil the shortcut to success.

Or don’t… and keep walking the sour long way around with the grey mob.

Stay tuned for part two of this entry- Boobjobs:. Reasons to go for it and reasons to absolutely go for it.